A woman on the edge

I haven't blogged this past week, because I was thinking that if I didn't have anything positive to say, I shouldn't blog at all. There is also the little matter that I try not to post things that are too personal here. After some thought though, I decided that it's my blog, and if it makes me feel better to vent, then I will. So, if you want a positive, uplifting post, or something cute about animals at the zoo, just skip this post and some back in a few days.

Life has pretty much sucked lately. I have stress coming from several directions, not all of which I can elaborate on. Finances have been tighter than usual this Fall. Almost all of my homeschooling friends in-real-life and online have expressed the same frustration so I know it's not just me. It is just harder to be a one-income family these days. As a matter of fact, I DO bring home some money with my part-time PCKidz job, but everything else has gotten so much more expensive, that we are a little worse off than this time last year when I brought in $0. I realize that I am much more fortunate than many others, though. We have a roof over our heads, food to eat, the utilities are all on, and we have two vehicles that run. After next year's income tax refund, we will be debt-free except for David's student loan.

Between teaching KJ, getting him to all his classes and co-ops, teaching for PCKidz, teaching at one co-op, and volunteering at the zoo; I'm feeling overwhelmed. The only thing I can really do less of is the zoo stuff, but it's the thing I enjoy the most. It is the one thing I do just for "me." Things are actually a little better at the moment since we are in the holiday season and some classes are on hiatus.

Lastly, the most recent and BIGGEST source of stress is my ex, KJ's dad. It just irritates the hell out of me that after being divorced all these years, he still has the power to infuriate me. A little history - we had a nasty divorce followed by a couple of years of strained interaction. Things began to improve as time passed and we have managed to have a civil and sometimes even friendly relationship over the past 2-3 years or so. We worked with each other on scheduling, and were flexible with pick-up and drop-off arrangements. I helped with his mother, KJ's G'ma, whenever I could. We had agreed to back up each other's punishments. If KJ was grounded at my house, he was grounded at his dad's, and viseversa. Ex-dh got married last May to a nice lady with two daughters. I don't know her well, but we've been nice to each other, and I like that KJ has a "mother" over there. Her daughter's are 18 and 14. The 14 year old has lived with the new family, but the 18 year old moved out about a month after the marriage. She was running wild and it did not sound like she would be a good influence on KJ anyway.

Fast forward to this past weekend. I don't want to bore you with the details, but the summary is: Ex-dh told KJ that he was not grounded at his house (remember that KJ was grounded due to his phone bill), that KJ's "sin was with his mother," 18 year old stepdaughter moved back home 2 weeks ago because she was going to "follow the rules", 18 year old stepdaughter sent several MySpace bulletins to KJ and the rest of her friends that indicated she was NOT changing her wild ways at all. (I don't care what she does and I'm certainly not a prude, but just don't tell KJ all about it. I don't want him looking to her as a role model.) Ex-dh has turned into a food-Nazi and has taken to locking the freezer. Ex-dh and wife went to an X-mas party, didn't get home until 1:00am, and wouldn't answer their cell phones. The freezer was locked so KJ, 14 year old stepsister, and G'ma could not find anything to eat. (G'ma has early Alzheimer's and can't drive) KJ and stepsister finally found where the key was hidden and got some food. Ex-dh was mad about it and now keeps the freezer key on his keyring. I will be sending food with KJ from now on.