Grandmama

Edited to correct her age. (though I still think she was 93. :-)
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Growing up, my earliest memories of Grandmama are just little snatches of memories. I had to have been very young, maybe 2-4. I remember her giving me a bath in about 2 inches of water. I'm not sure if she thought I would drown or if they just had a limited water supply. I remember sitting at the kitchen table with Grandaddy while Grandmama cooked up a HUGE country breakfast. I can still smell the bacon frying... I remember being terrified watching her chop a tarantula into pieces with a hoe. I thought she was so brave. I remember lying on their big bed with the nubbly bedspread at nap time. I would stare at this black cat figurine with sparkly eyes until I finally fell asleep.

When I was older, Grandmama started showing me how to do things. I learned how to weed in the garden, and how to pull up the potato plant and shake the dirt off the potatoes. I learned how to remove the bones from canned salmon (though this was usually Grandaddy's job) and make salmon patties. God, those were good with ketchup! Most importantly, she showed me how to make deviled eggs. I use her recipe to this day. Grandmama didn't talk much when Grandaddy was alive. HE was quite a talker and could tell stories for hours. As an adult, I found out that Grandmama was on psychiatric drugs that pretty much knocked her for a loop. Grandmama had some mental health issues and back then, medicine hadn't evolved to the point it has now.

By the time I hit adult-hood, Grandmama was on better meds and really started to come out of her shell. I remember one day when I was visiting just before I got married the first time, she decided to give me the "sex talk." She knew I knew about the birds and the bees. THIS was about sex in marriage. She was still teaching me about things...

About 10 years ago when I was living in Pennsylvania, I got a call that Grandmama was going to die and the doctors said to call the family in. My sister flew me down to Texas for a week so I could say my good-byes. I returned to PA depressed and waiting for the call that she had passed on. Grandmama, however, proved everybody wrong. She rallied back, got a new doctor who quit overmedicating her, and lost some weight. After that, Grandmama was spunky! I got the feeling that she had decided that at her age, she could say whatever she damn well pleased, and to hell with what people thought.

Grandmama moved in with her oldest son who hired a live-in caregiver for her. Meanwhile, we moved back to Texas so I saw her more regularly. She loved telling raunchy jokes, much to the embarassment of my dad and uncle. I thought she was hilarious. After I married David and Grandmama met him, she was in love. She sang love songs and recited love poems to David. If I would just get out of the way, SHE could marry him. All this was done in fun of course.

Last January, Grandmama was admitted to the hospital with a heart attack, and once again the family was called in as she was expected to die. My sister and I spent the night with her there, because we didn't want her to be alone if something should happen. She kept us in stitches with stories and dirty jokes complete with obscene gestures. Nobody had told her that she wasn't expected to live and consequently there would be whispering in a corner. Grandmama had radar ears and I think she knew anyway, but she loved messing with the whisperers by saying, "When you whisper, I can't hear you!" Once again, Grandmama rallied back, did NOT die, and was released from the hospital. The doctors said that with her congestive heart failure she would have a big heart attack which would kill her. They said it would most likely be within 6-8 weeks.

I called Grandmama regularly, expecting each phone call to be my last. Weeks turned into months and Grandmama was still going strong. When everything happened with David in April, I stopped calling. I was afraid she knew and I was embarrassed to talk to her. I heard she was getting weaker and was in a wheelchair after taking a bad fall. I called then and gave her a hard time about scaring people. Phone calls with her were getting more difficult as I had a hard time understanding her. I called less and my last call was on her birthday in September. I will always regret that I got so immersed in my own problems that I didn't make time to go see her.

Last Thursday, my sister called to tell me Grandmama had a massive heart attack and was at the hospital on life support. She had a living will so the docs would be taking her off. Staci and her husband were on their way up there. KJ and I dropped David at work and headed for Denton ourselves. Through phone calls, my sister told me that Grandmama was still breathing on her own, but had been unresponsive the whole time. When KJ and I arrived, Grandmama was still breathing. Staci and Casey were the only family besides me and KJ that had been able to get there so far. Grandmama took her last breath about 5 minutes after we arrived. It was so peaceful, that we didn't even notice at first. She was 92 and will be sorely missed. KJ said it best when talking to me later. "I feel kind of privileged to have seen her die. It is like the ending to a really good book."